The University of Massachusetts - Amherst

Date: Jan 16 2002
Major: History/Histories (art history/etc.) (This Major's Salary over time)
They accurately call this place "ZooMass". Parties, alcohol, and drugs abound. This is not an institution for intellectuals. The University cares only for athletes. It is difficult to find someone who knows your name. It is more likely that they will know your student ID number. Everywhere you go on campus, they ask for your ID - never your name.

The campus is frightening to newcomers and confusing to seasoned Super-Seniors. (Just try to get into enough classes to graduate in four years… I dare you.) Administration offices are spread throughout the large, unattractive campus. It is a maze of buildings, trailers, mud, and concrete.
The course registration guide is misleading at best. A 1/2 inch magazine details in triplicate a host of classes you cannot get into, are not qualified for, or get canceled by the time you arrive the following semester. Faculty, staff, and even majors are being slashed left and right; yet each year the dorms swell with unanticipatedly high levels of new students. In huge lecture halls, students spill out into the aisles, due to overcrowding and/or the lack of unbroken seats.

I have lived in a lounge with cigarette stains in the urine-soaked carpet, and I am not alone. Upperclassmen are forced off campus, where rent averages over $800 for an apartment. The break in room and board hardly makes up for the price of rent. (By break I mean that you don't have to pay it… No kickbacks here.) If you are unlucky enough to be subjected to the meal plan, you will starve or gain 30 pounds. Leftovers abound. Frequent specials include Hungarian noodlebake, green roast beef, and shrimp and beef noodle-ness. Stick to the salad and breakfast bars.
Almost 30,000 people clog the campus. Prices rise continually, and fees appear out of thin air. To make a purchase on campus is to surrender $5.55 for a box of cereal, $4.00 for a hamburger, and $50.00 for Umass apparel.

Professors are few and far between. Most have unreasonable office hours and abhor the thought of being contacted at home. Instead, they will direct you to an angry grad student. Umass relies heavily on teaching assistants (TAs). How else can one person manage a class of 300?
Grad students are akin to athletes in their top-notch standing. While these grad students frequently march on campus bickering about their low income, they overlook the fact that the university provides them free health and child care. (Luxuries undergrads pay dearly for. In fact, undergrads pay for the child care.)

My advice is to stay far, far away from Umass Amherst. They are continually lowering their standards, accepting anyone who can produce a large check that will clear. (Of course, that person will have to stand in line at the Bursar's office with the check for a good hour before getting to a teller.) If you prefer an inferior education in a setting of drunken frat boys and over-priveleged athletes, Umass is the campus for you.